PHAN: Love Brings Out The Best And Worst In People
by YouTubeFanFiction
Summary: A PHAN FICTION LOVE STORY! STARRING AMAZINGPHIL AND DANISNOTONFIRE. Please note this story involves sex, attempted suicide and an eating disorder. I cannot really summarise this fanfic so just give it a go and follow it if you like it. - Thank you.
1. Prologue

**PROLOGUE**

_Dear Dan, _

_Everything has turned to dust._

_It hurts to breathe._

_It hurts to live._

_It hurts to exist._

_Everything I touch turns to stone._

_I cannot deal with a broken heart any longer._

_I've always been afraid to tell you the truth._

_Because honestly, the truth terrified me at first._

_But I managed to come to terms with it. How could I have expected you to do the same?_

_But I love you Daniel Howell._

_I love you more than you will ever know._

_Your beautiful brown eyes, your beautiful curly hair and your beautiful personality._

_You will always be perfect to me._

_Remember me for the good times._

_And I'll remember you through my love._

_Don't blame yourself- and tell the viewers I said farewell._

_Stay strong._

_Lead a fulfilling life with the girl of your dreams._

_Now here's my grand exit._

_I love you._

_Phil. x_

***AUTHOR'S NOTE* Hey! This is my new fan fiction which I will be continuing after I've finished my previous Tobuscus fan fiction. I wanted to upload the prologue early to give you an insight in to what happens. But it isn't all depressing- I promise! So please review, follow and favourite so you are ready for when I upload the first chapter. Much love xo**


	2. Broken Heart And Torn Up Wishes

Chapter 1.

***DAN'S POINT OF VIEW***

I woke up to the sound of a thunderstorm.

Groaning I rubbed my eyes. I glanced at my glowing alarm clock- it read 2am.

I pulled myself reluctantly out of bed and peered through my curtains. The dark streets of London were now held hostage by threatening grey clouds bursting with lightning bolts of violence.

Suddenly I felt the urge to use the toilet. I sighed and stepped outside my bedroom door.

As the bright light of the upstairs landing dove in to my vision I squinted and looked through half closed eyes.

Why was the light on? Phil must have forgotten to turn it off when he went to bed.

Eventually my pupils adapted to the new light and my vision was now cleared. Much better. I tiptoed to the bathroom in hope that I wouldn't wake Phil up. It was weird actually- I could usually hear Phil snoring at night but right now I couldn't.

On arrival at the bathroom door I pulled down the handle and pushed it open.

That was the point where I screamed.

That was the point where I fell to the floor in desperation.

All because sprawled out in front of me was a pale looking body belonging to my best friend.

All because Phil looked dead or at the very edge of it with an empty pill bottle lying unnervingly beside his slumped hand.

And by that hand folded neatly was a piece of crisp white paper addressed to myself and myself only.

I suddenly found my feet and raced back to my bedroom. I grabbed my iPhone from its normal nightly position and dialled 999 for an ambulance.

I ventured my way back to Phil's side and slowly placed my hand over the letter as if it were a ticking time bomb.

Tears ran down my face as I somehow brought myself to unfold the letter and read its contents

Its contents of a broken heart and torn up wishes.

I tenderly refolded the letter as I heard sirens approaching outside our apartment.

I placed it in my pocket carefully and gazed at Phil's failing body.

"Oh Phil" I whispered.

If only he knew.


	3. Waking Up

Chapter 2.

***PHIL'S POINT OF VIEW***

My body aches.

Oh god, my muscles ache.

I feel like I have been hit by a bus.

I tried to lift my arms to rub my eyes but my body just ached too much to do so.

"Don't move Phil, just rest" came a voice I recognised.

My eyes suddenly started open and towering over me was a tear stained, exhausted looking Dan.

Dan.

Oh, Dan.

Everything suddenly flashed back to me.

Writing that letter addressed to Dan, unscrewing the lid of the pill of bottles.

Taking one last look at my reflection in the mirror.

Downing the whole bottle of pills all in one.

Swallowing.

Pain.

Falling.

Darkness.

Dan turned from me and went to sit down in an armchair beside me. I suddenly realised I wasn't at home anymore...I must be in hospital.

And now I've made Dan cry.

What have I done?

"Dan..." I begun but he interrupted me by bursting in to tears.

"Why the hell did you do it Phil? WHY?! I thought I lost you! I thought I lost my best friend, I thought I lost my" Dan cut himself off by wiping his hand across his nose and sniffing.

"Your what?" I asked but Dan shook his head.

I sighed and looked down at the floor.

"I read your letter Phil. You didn't need to attempt suicide over that. Are you really that stupid?!"

Tears began to form in my eyes. "I'm sorry Dan, I really am..."

"SORRY?! YOU'RE SORRY ARE YOU?! Do you know what it is like to find someone you care about lying motionless on the bathroom floor next to an empty bottle of pills?! Do you know what it is like to ride in an ambulance with this person knowing you cannot do anything to help them?! It's torture!"

I tried to reply but Dan waved his hand at me to dismiss my response so I shut my mouth and silently sobbed.

He started towards the door.

"I can't do this Phil; I just can't! I need some fresh air"

I tried to sit up in panic but my body retaliated and ordered me back down.

"Dan, wait, please, I love you..."

But he didn't hear me.

Because he had already stormed out the hospital room slamming the door behind him.


	4. Confusion

Chapter 3.

***DAN'S POINT OF VIEW***

Dodging my way through people I ran through the hospital until I could make it outside in to the fresh air.

As the slightly cold weather hit me I collapsed down against a wall and inhaled deeply before exhaling dramatically; running my hands through my hair and eventually holding my face in my hands.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and tried to think; try to get my thoughts in order.

I didn't mean to snap at Phil I really didn't. But as soon as he woke up I was so overwhelmed with emotions I couldn't understand the only way I could release them was to shout at him.

But I didn't know what I was thinking anymore. Whilst the doctors were fiddling around with Phil and trying to save his life so many things happened at once I couldn't decide what really the deal was.

When Phil was in that state I was panicking and crying. But not just out of friendship. I think it was mainly out of...love. But how could I love Phil? Was it just love for my best friend? I mean it should be possible; I do live with him, work with him and spend the majority of my time with him. So it should make sense, right?

Oh god, I don't know.

I hit my head back against the wall in hope it would sort out my mind but all it did was make me dizzy.

Phil wanted to die because of me. All because of me. I couldn't feel guiltier.

But for some reason I was so happy when he said he loved me. But why was that? I mean, I'm not gay, so how could that even be possible?

And when I read it all I could think was "If only you knew Phil, if only you knew". But now I think about it, why would I think something like that?

Unless...Unless I loved him too.

Before I could think about my actions I threw myself up and punched the wall swearing in anger at myself. I suddenly realised that my knuckles now had searing pain going through them and tears filled my eyes.

"Are you okay mate?"

I swung around hugging my fist to my body and gritting my teeth to be greeted by the sight of a male nurse looking very concerned at me.

"Absolutely wonderful" I said sarcastically.

"Here" he said beckoning me inside "Let me take a look at your fist. You have quite the strength!"

I nodded appreciatively and followed him in. He led me to an empty cubicle and motioned for me to sit on the bed which I did gladly.

"So what was that for?" he asked as he started preparing medical things.

"None of your business!" I replied too quickly then soon apologised for being so rude.

"It's okay" the nurse said smiling. "It is none of my business".

He carried over a bowl of water and some cloth to my side and dipped the cloth in water before wringing it out.

"This may sting a little" he explained and I bit my lip whilst he cleaned up the bloody mess.

"Thank you" I said "I'm Dan"

"Hello Dan" he smiled "I'm Steve".

Eventually Steve managed to clear up the blood and safely dispose of the stained cloth and water.

"Can you move your fingers?" he asked and I unclenched my hand and wiggled my fingers. It was definitely sore but nothing felt broken.

"Well, at least you haven't broken your knuckles" Steve explained optimistically. "I'll have to put some anti-bacterial cream on the cuts though before bandaging your knuckles up"

As he went over to get the necessities I sighed and looked up at him.

"How do you know if you're in love with someone?"

Steve joined me back at my side with what he needed and raised his eyebrows at me.

"Where do I start? I think it is different for everyone. But for me it is never being able to stop thinking about them and loving each and everything they do. It is wanting to be with them all the time and your heart skipping a beat whenever you see them"

I smiled gratefully and thought to myself. I always was with Phil and I must admit I was always a lot happier when I was. In addition, whenever I did see him I would always notice these little things about him. For example, the way he slightly sticks his tongue out when he is concentrating or the way he taps his left foot softly on the floor when he is bored.

Steve spread the anti-bacterial cream over my cuts and rubbed it in as I winced and breathed in sharply. And for some reason I imagined Phil was sat next to me rubbing my back and whispering calming words in to my ears and everything seemed to be okay.

Steve put down the cream and took hold of the bandage. "Okay, now for the bandaging"

He put my hand in to the position he wanted and carefully wound the bandage around my knuckles before fastening it securely.

"Thank you Steve" I said gratefully to him and he smiled.

"No problem. You could probably take the bandages off after a week"

I jumped down from the bed and stretched.

"Also, thanks for the advice, I think you have really helped me"

As we said our goodbyes I left the cubicle and found myself walking to Phil's ward. I stopped right outside his room and decided what my next move would be.

Slowly I opened the door and looked to see Phil sat up in bed with the biggest look of worry on his face and it was clear he had been crying by the sorely red rims around his eyes.

"Phil" I began, closing the door behind me.

"I have something I want to tell you"


	5. Confession

Chapter 4.

***PHIL'S POINT OF VIEW***

Breathe Phil.

Breathe!

I let go of my breath and quickly inhaled. As soon as Dan told me he needed to tell me something I had completely frozen up.

Did he hate me now? Was he afraid to be around me now he knew I loved him? Was he going to move out?

Please don't leave me Dan.

I need you.

Dan cautiously made his way over to me and perched on the edge of my bed. I looked up at him with hopeful eyes and held on to the sides of the beds out of complete and utter nerves.

"When I found you on the bathroom floor unconscious I was so scared you were...you were"

Dan stopped in his tracks and swallowed hard as if he was about to cry.

"You were dead" he finished.

"But all throughout the ambulance right to the hospital" he continued "A million things were running through my mind. What would I do without you? Where would I be without you?"

"Better off" I said quietly and looked down at the floor.

"No" Dan said in a slightly raised voice and lifted up my face by my chin with his fingers. He made me face him and I looked him straight in the eyes.

"No I wouldn't"

"Do you hate me now?" I asked "I didn't mean to hurt you like this. I...I can move out if it would make things easier"

"I don't hate you and you won't be moving anywhere" Dan insisted and I nodded guilty.

"But...but what about what I said in the letter? Don't I creep you out now?"

Dan sighed and moved his hand away from my chin.

"You do not creep me out. Do you really love me?"

I bit my lip. "With all my heart Dan"

"How long?"

"About four months after we met I realised my feelings for you"

"Why didn't you tell me you were gay?"

"I didn't want to freak you out"

Dan raised his eyebrows at me.

"Since when have I been homophobic?"

"You haven't" I rushed "but I thought you might not have liked living with one"

It was now Dan's turn to look down at the floor.

"Then that would have been very hypocritical of me"

I frowned and tried to work out the meaning of what he meant in my head.

I leaned forward. "What do you mean Dan?"

He looked up at me again and didn't lose eye contact.

"I'm gay too"

I gasped. He was gay?!

"But you've dated loads of girls!" I protested; struggling to believe it.

"I never wanted to admit it back then I was attracted to guys. I guess it was denial"

I was struggling to take it all in.

"Is that what you wanted to tell me?" I asked and he shook his head.

"...Kind of. Sort of. But there is something else"

"You can tell me anything Dan I won't judge you"

Before I knew what was happening Dan reached over and held my hand in his. I didn't want to pull away; I wanted this to last forever.

"Tell me you love me" Dan said edging closer to me

"Why?"

"Tell me again"

I gave him a small smile. "I love you Dan"

He smiled back. "I love you too Phil"

My smile vanished and I snatched my hand away from him. He looked down at his now empty hand with a saddened look.

Tears ran down my face. "You don't need to lie to me Dan to make sure I won't ever try to kill myself again"

Dan stood up. "What? That isn't what I meant! I love you god Damnit!"

"No you don't!" I shouted louder in tears "I never expected you to trust me again after this but I wouldn't have expected you to lie to me just to keep me happy!"

Dan rushed forward and tried to hold my hand again but I shook him off.

"Don't patronise me Dan. Please, just leave"

"You don't understand!"

"No, I don't think you understand. Go. Please"

I flopped back on my pillow and turned away from Dan. He tried protesting some more but I continued to ignore him until he left.

Something like that couldn't be true.

Could it?


	6. Only In Fairytales

Chapter 5.

***DAN'S POINT OF VIEW***

I can't breathe.

I can't think.

I ran to the hospital waiting room and slouched down in a seat trying to control my breathing.

How could Phil not believe me?

I just put my feelings on a plate for him and he didn't trust me one bit.

Man, how that hurt.

"Why is it whenever I see you you're always upset?"

I looked up to see the nurse from earlier, Steve, standing before me with one hand on his hip.

"I don't know" I sighed "Perhaps you have that affect on me"

Steve laughed and sat down beside me.

"So what's wrong?"

I rubbed my eyes and looked down at my feet. "Shouldn't you be working or something?"

"I'm on my break" Steve explained "I was just on my way out of here when I saw you looking very sorry for yourself. So are you going to tell me what is up?"

Biting my lip I gave him a grateful smile. "I just told the person who means absolutely everything in this world to me that I love him...but he doesn't believe me. He thinks I'm pretending to so I don't upset him"

"Well I can see why he wouldn't believe you"

Instantly I went in to defensive mode and shot up straight in my seat. "Excuse me?!"

Steve rolled his eyes. "Because you're not fighting for him! All you're doing is sitting here moping. You need to prove to him that you have strong feelings for him; make it obvious you're not lying"

Letting my defensive barriers down I relaxed back in my seat again. "How can I do that?"

"Do something big; something exciting. Something that says hey, I freakin' love you alright?"

Suddenly a fantastic idea popped in to my head.

I turned to face Steve grinning.

"Steve, could you do me a favour?"

***PHIL'S POINT OF VIEW***

No matter how much I refreshed my Twitter timeline and replied to fans I could not concentrate on anything else but Dan.

That wonderful, beautiful, brown-haired boy.

It's funny...I've been waiting years to hear those words come from his lips. It was always a dream. Yet now it was reality I couldn't take it.

How on earth could he love me back?

Things like this only happen in fairytales.

Before I could sigh and contemplate anymore a male nurse walked in to my hospital room; closing the door behind him.

"Hello Mr Lester" he said walking to my bed side.

"Please" I replied "just call me Phil"

The nurse nodded. "I'm sorry if it is of any inconvenience but I need to move you to a ward for an hour or two"

I frowned. "How come?"

"The cleaners want to do a thorough clean of this room and there is only space on one of the wards for you to stay on. Don't worry, it will only be temporarily. I'll wheel you there myself!"

Before I could ask what he meant by that the nurse reached for a folded up wheelchair in the corner and unfolded it; wheeling it towards me.

"Err, that's okay I guess" I said out of confusion and climbed in to the wheelchair with my phone still in hand.

The nurse wheeled me out of my hospital room and let me down different wards. Eventually he stopped on Ward 409 and took me to Bed 2. Looking around me was a bunch of elderly men who looked like death in all honesty. It gave me the creeps. Suddenly I was very grateful I was in my own room.

The nurse parked me up against the bed and I clambered on to it.

"Thank you for your cooperation!" he exclaimed before scuttling off leaving me hanging.

Well, that was peculiar.

***DAN'S POINT OF VIEW***

Hmm, perhaps I should put that here.

Or there.

Or maybe it will look better there...

Ugh. I was trying so hard to make everything accurate it was making me paranoid of every single detail.

This needed to be perfect.

This needed to work.

***PHIL'S POINT OF VIEW***

"Hello once again Phil!"

I looked up to see the male nurse had returned.

I sighed a sigh of relief and sat up with my feet dangling over the side of the bed.

"Perfect. Are you here to take me back to my room? The other patients are giving me the creeps"

The nurse laughed and motioned for me to get back in my wheelchair. I gave him a small smile and obeyed.

The nurse wheeled me back to my room in silence which I found quite strange. On our first journey he seemed cheerful and talkative yet now he was saying nothing.

"Hey, I never got your name" I spoke up as we were going down the last corridor to my room.

"My name is Steve" the nurse replied and wheeled me to my door.

"Ready?" he asked and I looked at him puzzled.

Why did I need to be ready to go in a room I had already been in for hours?

Steve smirked and opened the door.

And that was my moment to gasp at the sight before me.

***AUTHOR'S NOTE* What do you think is in Phil's hospital room that made him gasp?! I'm so sorry I have taken so damn long to upload. Basically I wrote the majority of this chapter out about a week ago and my cat thought it would be a good idea to sleep on the keyboard whilst the document was up and delete the whole thing without it being saved in advance. It aggravated me so much that it took me ages to feel the want to begin it all over again. Apologies!**


	7. Be Mine

Chapter 6.

***PHIL'S POINT OF VIEW***

"What...what is this?" I managed to stutter out and Dan smirked before getting up from where he was leaning against my hospital bed.

"Me proving that I love you" Dan replied.

I couldn't help but look all around me; trying to take in the sight before me. The room was filled with blue balloons, my favourite colour, and on display were various things that I loved.

Leaning against my hospital pillow was my toy of Totoro and beside him was Pikachu. On the bedside table stood Lion with a mini party hat on.

Pinned on the wall was my poster of Kill Bill and playing quietly in the background was my Panic! At The Disco album playing on what I realised was my laptop.

On the mini table next to my bed were various foods, sweets and drinks (all of which were my favourites) including a large Shakeaway milkshake.

"You remember all the things I like..." I gasped and Dan nodded.

"Of course I remember silly. I always listen to you"

"I'll just leave you two to it" interrupted Steve from behind me who I forgot was there. He winked at Dan who winked back before leaving the room and closing the door.

I got out of my wheelchair slowly and walked up to Dan.

"This...this is amazing" I complimented and Dan blushed which I found adorable.

Dan scuffed his foot on the floor. "I was so hurt by the fact you didn't believe my feelings for you. So I decided I would prove it to you by arranging all of this so you'd feel more at home. Do you like it?"

I swallowed guiltily when he mentioned how I didn't believe him.

"It's perfect" I admitted. "Just like you"

Dan gazed in to my eyes. "I do love you y'know"

And with those magical three words everything made sense. It was like fireworks exploding inside me and all birthdays and Christmases had come all at once.

"I love you too" I whispered.

Dan smiled and held out his hand to me. I raised my arm and placed my hand in his.

"Will you be my boyfriend then?" he asked.

I had no words. I was speechless. So the only way I could answer was grabbing his face and romantically kissing his lips.

Dan was taken for surprise at first but quickly slid his arms around my waist participating in to the kiss. It was like nothing else in the world mattered: only Dan and this moment of time.

"Ahem"

Me and Dan quickly jumped apart and looked over to the door sheepishly to see Steve standing there.

"Great news! The doctor said you can go home this evening; they just need to run some final checks and discuss with you about future therapy sessions"

"Fantastic!" Dan exclaimed and turned to me. "That's great isn't it?"

I frowned. "But...but I don't want therapy sessions"

Steve sighed sympathetically. "I'm sorry but you have to. The doctors cannot just ignore the fact you tried to kill yourself"

Dan took my hand and squeezed it again. "It's okay; we will get through this together Phil I promise. You will be discharged from therapy before you know it"

I responded with a reassuring smile and turned to Steve. "Thank you!"

"No problem" he replied and exited the room.

Dan walked over to my bed and sat down on it before patting the space beside him.

"Come on; I brought our gameboys over. Let's play a bit of Pokémon!"

I laughed and joined him on the bed where Dan placed his arm around me which I snuggled in to gratefully.

Life was perfect.

And now me and Dan...my...my boyfriend could be together.

Forever.


	8. Welcome Home

Chapter 7.  
*DAN'S POINT OF VIEW*

Life couldn't be better. Me and Phil were now officially a couple and he was able to come home again. Yeah, he would have to attend therapy sessions but they would be over before he knew it.  
"Do you want a coffee?" I asked Phil as we passed the hospital cafe on our way out of the hospital.  
Phil shook his head. "I just want to get out of here and go home if i'm honest"  
I gave Phil a sympathetic smile and continued to the exit. We soon caught a taxi and were outside our apartment door within the hour.  
Before I put my keys in the lock I turned to face Phil who looked at me in puzzlement.  
"Before we go in...can you promise me something?" I asked.  
"Anything" he replied looking concerned.  
"Promise me you'll never try to kill yourself ever again. I mean it"  
Phil looked me straight in the eyes. "I promise. I have everything I want now"  
Pleased with his answer I turned back to the door and unlocked it. The apartment was just how we left it.  
Phil scanned the room before walking slowly over to the bathroom. He ran his hand over the door handle slowly; studying it.  
I walked up behind him, understanding what he was going through, and wrapped my arms around his waist. Phil welcomed my touch and gave me a nervous smile.  
"You can do this" I whispered sweetly in to his ear. And on that note he opened the bathroom door.  
*PHIL'S POINT OF VIEW*  
The bathroom looked normal.  
Too normal for an attempted suicide to happen in it.  
Looking down at the floor though I glimpsed a empty bottle of pills: my weapon of choice. I shuddered and leaned down to swipe it up, playing with it in my fingers.  
Why did I do it? I haven't regretted anything more in my life. That stupid mistake could have cost me my life. I was very lucky.  
I sighed and threw the bottle in to the small bathroom bin.  
"Are you alright?" Dan asked worriedly and so I kissed him on the forehead.  
"As good as I can be" I admitted and left the bathroom.  
Dan followed me out and in to the living room where we flopped down on the sofa. Dan held his arm out and I held myself against him gratefully.  
"Do you know what we need to do?" Dan said.  
"What?" I replied.  
"We need to tell our parents we're together"


	9. The Announcement

Chapter 8.

*THIRD PERSON*

"Don't panic Phil; panicking won't do any good for you"

"Don't panic?! How could I not panic! In less than an hour our parents will be here and we will be about to tell them we're gay and together as a couple!"

Phil was currently hyperventilating over the upcoming events. Although Dan didn't show it, in his head he was also worried. How would his parents react? How would Phil's parents react?

After Dan announced they should tell their parents about their relationship that afternoon two days ago, Phil reluctantly agreed and they both phoned up their parents to invite them round for dinner at their place. They decided the best way to go about it was to invite both their parents round at the same time over a meal where they hope they would be in their best moods. Dan was trying to keep it together for Phil's sake but inside he was just as anxious.

Phil looked at Dan nervously. "Promise you won't tell my parents about what...what happened?"

Dan smiled reassuringly at Phil and kissed his hand at to which he blushed at. "We've already discussed this sweetheart. I promise"

Phil nodded and turned back to the kitchen. "I hope my chicken pie, mash potato and gravy go down well. Do you think that's enough? Or should I go for something posher? Oh god, what about if your parents think I'm not good enough for you?!"

"Relax" Dan laughed "Your food will go down a treat and my parents already know they like you silly. You're acting as if you've never seen them before!"

Phil ran his hands through his hair. "But it's not the same is it?"

Dan shook his head. "No, it's not. But think: this time tomorrow all of this will be over and we will laugh about how stupid we were worrying"

*DING DONG*

Dan and Phil instantly glanced at the door before back at one another. Phil's face faded to even more pale and Dan could feel his legs shaking.

"I'll...I'll go get it" Dan stuttered before willing his jelly-like legs towards the door. He took a deep breath before opening the it.

It was his Mum and Dad.

"Hey sweetie!" called Dan's mum in her sweet-toned voice and pulled her son in to a bear-like hug.

"Hey mum" Dan replied and pulled away from the embrace. He turned to his Dad.

His Dad grinned. "Give your Dad a hug then!" Dan giggled and reached for him; sharing a brief greeting.

He pulled away and motioned for his parents to come in.

As Phil was pulling his chicken pie's out of the cooker Dan's mum entered the kitchen smiling.

"Hi Phil!"

"Hey" Phil replied politely and waved to Dan's dad who instantly went to sit on the living room sofa.

"This smells delicious Phillip!" Dan's Mum complimented and Phil thanked her for her kindness.

"So will your parents be coming tonight too?"

Phil nodded. "Me and Dan wanted to get you all together for a catch up"

"Great idea" Dan's Dad called from the living room. "It will be nice to chat to your Dad again about the football"

On queue, the doorbell rang for a second time.

Phil inwardly sighed to himself. "That will be my parents. Dan, could you mix up the gravy please whilst I answer the door?"

"Sure" Dan replied before sharing a secretive smile with him.

Phil mentally prepared himself as he walked to the door and opened it to be greeted by his parents.

"Phillip!" his mother greeted and kissed him on the cheek.

"Hey Mum" he replied and told her to go sit in the living room where everybody else was.

Phil turned to his Dad who was standing their straight faced.

"Son" he grunted.

"Dad" Phil muttered before asking him to come inside. His Dad nodded in acknowledgement and walked inside so Phil could shut the door. He imagined just running out the door and not coming back until it was all over...but he would never do that to his wonderful boyfriend.

As both of their parents chatted away in the living room Phil joined Dan in the kitchen. "I think I'm about to pee myself" he admitted and Dan laughed nervously. He had just finished mixing the gravy and was now placing the chicken pie's on to their plates. Phil took this as a moment to go set the table with cutlery and placemats and ask what all their guests would like to drink.

"Grubs up!" Dan called and carried two plates at a time to the table.

"Perfect!" Phil's mum called in and they all got up from the living room to sit at the table.

"A toast" Dan's Dad called and raised his glass. "To Phil and Dan getting us all together for a catch up and a great evening" Everybody raised their glasses and clinked them together. "Cheers!"

Phil suddenly felt a foot rubbing against his. He glanced next to him to see Dan smiling at him knowingly and Phil smiled back. They were only minutes away from a massive announcement.

"So hows the business?" Phil's Dad asked.

"Dad" Phil begun "I've told you before, it isn't a business. We work for YouTube"

"The pay still good? Dan's Dad cut in.

"Enough to keep us going yeah" Dan replied.

"And the fans?" Phil's mum asked.

"Great as always" Dan smirked and Phil nodded in agreement.

The rest of their meal went in this manner of chatting away to one another. It was only when everyone had finished their meals and put down their knives and forks that reality came swarming back to Phil and Dan. They knew this was their moment.

"Actually" Dan begun "We brought you all here today for another reason. A bigger reason"

"Me and Dan have something to tell you all" Phil cut in. All of their parents looked up in confusion and interest as to what the big news would be.

"Me and Phil..." Dan started. He grabbed Phil's hand from under the table and placed it on the tabletop in with his hand for everyone to see.

"...We are a couple"

Silence. All of their guests were speechless and just stared open mouthed at both Phil and Dan. Dan blushed whilst Phil tried to pull his hand away in embarrassment but Dan held on tighter.

"You're..you're gay?" Phil's Dad eventually spoke up and Phil turned to him trembling.

"..Yes. We're gay"

"How...how do you know?" Dan's mum spoke up and Dan glared at her.

"What do you mean how do we know Mum?! You don't just one day wake up and decide you're gay!"

"Mrs Howell" Phil interrupted "I have always loved your son from the moment I met him. We were official as a couple only days ago and decided you guys would be the first people we'd tell"

"Oh Phillip!" Phil's Mum expressed and suddenly ran over to his side of the table to hug him in tears. "I'm so proud of you! Your sexuality changes nothing to me. I'm so happy for you both!" Phil embraced his Mum and sighed a sigh of relief that at least one of the parents was happy.

"And if you're sure, then I'm very glad for you too" Dan's Dad said and playfully punched his son in the arm.

"Thank you" Dan said grinning. He turned to his mum. "And you?" he asked.

"You know, I always secretly knew you were gay" his mum joked and Dan laughed. "But seriously, you and Phil will be great together I know it"

Instantly they all turned to Phil's Dad who was yet to congratulate them.

"Dad...?" Phil asked hopefully.

Phil's Dad threw his napkin down on the table and stood up suddenly from his chair; knocking it over.

"I need some time to think" he announced and strode towards the exit.

"Dad, please!" Phil called and tried to follow him but his mother stopped him.

"Don't sweetheart, I'll talk to him. Thank you for a wonderful evening Phillip". She quickly kissed him on the cheek and hastily followed her husband.

"Yeah, we should be getting off too" Dan's mum announced and Dan's dad nodded in agreement.

They kissed their son goodbye and shook Phil's shaking hand before leaving themselves.

As soon as they left Phil couldn't help but burst in to tears.

"Hey hey hey1" Dan cooed and lifted Phil on to his lap so he could wrap his arms around him; protect him from the world.

"My dad HATES me!" Phil complained and cried in to Dan's shoulder.

"Sssssh" Dan whispered calmly. "Your father doesn't hate you, he is just shocked. He will come round"

Phil cried and cried until Dan's shirt was wet with tears but nonetheless Dan carried on stroking his hair and whispering sweet nothings in to his ear.

"Come on" he said eventually. "Let's go to bed. We will clear all this up in the morning"

"But I want to stay with you" Phil complained and held on to Dan tighter.

"Then come sleep in my bed with me silly" Dan suggested and Phil looked up at him in surprise.

"Okay" he answered eventually and got up from Dan's lap.

And off they went to Dan's bedroom.

Hand in hand.


	10. Mummy, Look

**Chapter 9.**

***PHIL'S POINT OF VIEW***

_I can't see anything._

_It's so dark in here!_

_Where is the light?_

"_Alright gay boy"_

_I spun around to find my Dad sneering behind me._

"_Dad..."I began but he ran over to me faster than humanity allowed and clamped his hand around my mouth._

"_Queer! How could you be my son? Please tell me your mother had an affair with the postman"_

"_Dad, please!"_

_He tightened his grip around my mouth._

_And his face turned in to pure, evil, anger._

"_AAAAAHHHHH!"_

"**PHIL, WAKE UP NOW!"**

I bolted right up and looked around me exasperated. My breathing slowed down to a normal pace as I realised that my Dad wasn't here anymore.

"Phil, don't worry, it was just a nightmare"

I turned my head to find Dan lent up in bed on one arm staring at me in concern.

"You were struggling in my arms and shouting Dad. Are you alright?"

I led back down and snuggled in to him who then instantly wrapped his arms around me protectively.

"I'm sorry I woke you" I said "I was just having a horrible nightmare"

"You didn't wake me silly" Dan explained "It is morning; I was already awake. Look!"

Finally I realised that it was actually daylight streaming in to the bedroom which I didn't notice previously.

Huh.

Dan unwrapped his arms from around me and got out of bed.

"We're going to do something today to take your mind off of things. We haven't actually been outside as a couple yet!"

I groaned. "Can't we just lie snuggled on the sofa all day playing Mario Kart and watching Kill Bill over and over again?"

Dan giggled and threw his Pikachu plush toy at me. "Nope! Come on, there's a Shakeaway in it for you if you get up now"

On the word 'Shakeaway' I shot out of bed and ran in to the bathroom before Dan could get there to shower. I realised I had been sweating from my horrid nightmare and so I needed to clean myself up. Half an hour later, I was ready to leave with Dan.

"Should I wear my black converse or red converse?" Dan asked in concern; waving both pairs in my face.

I snorted. "Does it matter?! God Dan, you're so gay" I joked and he pouted at me innocently. Eventually he decided on the red converse and soon we were out the door hand in hand.

It was weird walking in to town holding hands with Dan. I couldn't help but think the last time we were here we were just friends and I was losing hope in ever finding happiness with or without him...but now look at me!

We turned in to Shakeaway and I sat at a table to reserve it whilst Dan went up to the counter and ordered our drinks. We were close enough that he already knew what I liked to order at Shakeaway so he didn't even need to ask.

"Delivery for Mr Lester!" Dan joked as he came down and sat with me at our table. I giggled and thanked him for my drink.

Dan pulled me in and gave me a sweet kiss on the lips. Smiling he pulled away and winked at me before taking a sip of his drink. All I could do was blush.

"Mummy, that man just kissed that other man!"

I peered over Dan's shoulder to see a little girl tugging at her mother's coat and pointing at us. I panicked that we were going to be frowned upon but the mother just crouched down by her daughter and smiled.

"Sweetie, it just shows love. That man obviously loves the other man very much. I give you a kiss to show you I love you, don't I?"

The little girl grinned and nodded. She looked back at me and gave me a small wave. I smiled and waved back at her before giving the mother an appreciative smile.

The little girl walked over and tugged on Dan's sleeve who pulled away from his drink and looked down to see the girl looking up at him.

"How may I help you?" Dan asked; turning in his seat to face her.

"You love that man very much don't you?"

This time it was Dan's turn to blush.

"With all my heart"

If I could do anything right now it would be to cry: to cry tears of joy.

"Good" the little girl whispered. "Bye!"

"Bye!" Dan replied and the little girl joined her mother in exiting Shakeaway.

I glaned at Dan in the eyes and he looked back at me with the same expression.

"Phil..." Dan began

"Yes?"

"You have cream on your face"

***AUTHOR'S NOTE* Nawwwh! Anyway, hi, it's been a long time since I've done an author's note hasn't it? I miss talking to you guys. Do you like my fan fiction? Where would you like me to take it? Sorry my updates are so long in between now. I've got a million exams, interviews and I also went to London. And I have applications to fill for my further education. So yeah...busy busy! I love you all and all your reviews. So please make me happy ^_^ Bye!**


	11. One Surprise After Another

**(Make sure you read the whole of the author note at the bottom- it's important!)**

Chapter 10.

*PHIL'S POINT OF VIEW*

-RING RING!-

I pressed pause on our game and reached for my phone.

After mine and Dan's trip to Shakeaway we did a bit of shopping. I ended up buying a Kill Bill merch t-shirt from Forbidden Planet whilst Dan bought a large Yoshi plush toy from Super Mario. It was now evening and we were currently curled up on the sofa playing the multiplayer version of Super Mario Kart.

-RING RING!-

I looked at the caller ID on my phone and gulped. Dan saw the look of horror on my face and patted my knee.

"Who is it babe?"

"...My dad"

Dan sat up straight and pointed to my phone. "Answer it then!"

I took a deep breath and exhaled before I pressed 'Answer' on my phone.

"Hello" the familiar masculine voice of my Dad said down the phone.

"Hi..." I replied nervously.

"Listen, son...I'm sorry about the way I reacted yesterday. It was a shock"

I bit my lip. "Mum told you to ring me didn't she?"

There was a pause. "...Yes, she did. But I do mean what I'm saying. I didn't mean to react the way I did about you coming out as g...g.."

"Say it"

"..Gay man. Please let Dan know I'm apologising too. But really, I'm okay with it now. If you're both sure it is what you want then I guess I can accept it"

I figured this was the best I was ever going to get as an acceptance speech from my father so I nodded as if he could see me and thanked him for his support.

"Bye son" he ended

"Bye dad" I replied.

He ended the call. And that was that.

"Well, what did he say?" Dan asked worriedly; on the edge of the sofa with eyes of concern.

"He said that he accepts us and to apologise to you"

"Really?"

"Yup"

"Oh Phil, that's fantastic!" Dan exclaimed and threw his arms around me; kissing my cheek. I smiled gratefully.

I didn't know what to think. Did Dad actually mean what he said, or was he just following Mum's orders? I didn't know. But what I did know was that I wasn't going to show my concern to Dan and let him think that my Dad was finally okay with us after all.

"We should celebrate!" Dan suggested.

"How?" I replied.

"Like this"

Before I had a chance to realise what was happening, Dan had suddenly pushed me down on the sofa so I was lying on my back and he clambered on top of me.

I could feel myself blushing unmercifully. "What are you doing Dan?"

He answered by kissing me energetically on the lips. I welcomed his touch and folded my arms around his slim waist. Under no control of mine I felt a certain member of mine pressing hard against the inside of my jeans and I hoped so much Dan couldn't feel it too.

He proceeded to kiss my jaw line and follow all the way on to my neck. A small moan escaped his lips and I couldn't help but feel delighted I could make Dan feel that way. He was now sucking softly on my neck and I realised he must be giving me a hickey.

All too soon for my enjoyment Dan pulled away and looked me straight in the eyes. I pouted at him; begging him with my eyes for more but he waggled his finger in a disapproving way.

"That's all you get for now" he explained and climbed off of me. I sat up reluctantly and I looked at him puzzled. Suddenly remembering my little problem I grabbed the cushion and placed it where what laid beneath it could be hidden.

"We'll know when we're ready" Dan whispered and walked off to him room without another word; leaving me in my own confused state on the sofa.

I rubbed my neck and felt the bruised mouth-shaped mark on my neck.

How the hell was I going to hide that?

Still...at least it proved that I belonged to him.

And nobody else.

***AUTHOR'S NOTE* ooh, wasn't that cheeky? ;) don't worry, I'm not going to make this story smutty (unless you want me too haha) but eventually there will be a scene where they make love for the first time. ALSO! At some point in the story I want there to be a meet up with fans. WHICH IS WHERE YOU COME IN! If you'd like to be a character in that scene please leave your name and a little bit about your looks/personality so I can build your character well. I thought this would be a fun interactive idea! Thanks guys **


	12. What Should We Tell The Fans?

Chapter 11

*DAN'S POINT OF VIEW*

"Dan, what should we tell the fans?"

I turned around to see Phil gripping on to the counter top with both hands biting his lip at me in concern. I couldn't help but think how hot he looked doing that.

"Well, what would you like to tell them?" I finally replied.

"That's the dilemma. Part of me thinks that they'll go crazy and it will change everything for the worse. However the other part of me thinks that they love us for who we are and will accept us as couple"

I laughed. "It will change everything; but not for the worse! It just means the Phan fiction will get creepier and creepier. But the fans will accept us for who we are and if they don't...well they weren't real fans in the first place were they?"

Phil gave a smile of relief as he realised my point of view and nodded. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Should we say anything to them then? I'm not ashamed of our relationship"

"So what are we waiting for?" I added "Let's make a video. In fact, let's do it right now. We can upload the same footage on both of our channels"

"Is it bad I feel nervous?" Phil contemplated "I don't think I've ever been so worried about what the fans will think"

I scooted over to him and kissed him on the nose.

"It's just very, very cute. That's all"

***HALF AN HOUR LATER***

"Hi Phillions!" I shouted waving my arms around at the camera hectically.

"Yo Danosaurs!" Phil greeted to the camera on cue; also waving.

I put on a grin even though I was internally shaking with nerves. "Video-ception here!"

"Yeah" Phil added "you may notice that this video is posted on both of our channels. But that's because we both have some pretty big news!"

I gulped. This was where it got serious.

"Very big"

I looked at Phil and he looked at me back. We both planned this out before we turned on the camera so we knew exactly what came next. Slowly he reached his hand towards mine and clasped it in his. We held our joined hands up for everyone to see and I could feel Phil growing clammy with anxiety.

"Well...Phan is real guys"

"But not like any of your kinky shit!" I added.

Phil told me off. "Daaaan!"

I winked at him then turned back to the camera.

"I know it is a shock, it was a shock for us too, but we recently realised our feelings for one another. This isn't some publicity stunt or a joke. We mean it. We are a couple"

"We understand some of you won't like this" Phil admitted "and if that is the case then go ahead and unsubscribe to us. But for those who will always support us- thank you"

I nodded and pulled a sly look.

"So err, shall we prove to them it is official and not an early April fool's joke then?"

"Sure" Phil agreed.

I broke my hand away from his and used it to pull his face towards me. He joined me as we shared a quick kiss for the camera. Nothing major, nothing long, just short and subtle. Pulling away smiling madly we looked back at the camera.

A good idea suddenly sprung to mind. "Oh, and one more thing!"

Phil looked taken aback but quickly recovered for the sake of the camera. "What's that?"

"I feel like we should hold a little competition. Let's say err...the best impression of Phil wins a five minute Skype call with me and him"

"That's mean!" Phil gasped in pretend shock "But sounds good. Competition ends...err...tomorrow at 6pm! Winner will be announced and contacted on Twitter"

Appreciating Phil agreeing to my sudden idea I kissed him on the cheek and he blushed.

"Bye guys!"

"Back to normal scheduling next week!"

We ended the video on me gyrating my crotch at the lens in my usual fashion.

Me and Phil simultaneously sighed a sigh of relief.

"That's the first step done" I assured him.

Phil rolled his eyes and stood up to pull the camera off of the tripod "Next step: editing and uploading. Nice idea by the way. Bet people will make me look weird though!"

I snorted. "You look weird anyway Phil. Just a normal thing for you!"

He playfully hit me and set up at the computer for an hour or so of editing and uploading.

"I'll make us tea" I offered. It was the least I could do. After all, editing wasn't easy.

And I'd do anything for my boyfriend.

***AUTHOR'S NOTE* Hope you liked that chapter! Also please check out the post previous to this chapter about the Phandom Awards. If you're anonymously or as guest; I can't contact you! Please leave me away of contacting you. Thanks guys! Keep smiling. X**


	13. Inner Conflict

Chapter 12.

***AUTHOR'S NOTE*** **Please read this before you continue with this chapter. From this chapter onwards I am going to showing Dan progressing with an eating disorder. If you may find this triggering, offensive or too sensitive then please do not read on. Or at least not this chapter in specific. If you are affected by this please don't hesitate to talk to me and perhaps I could help you find a form of help or relief. Don't suffer alone. The whole story won't be completely aimed at Dan's ED but there will be symptoms and snippets of its progression. **

*DAN'S POINT OF VIEW*

(Italics= Dan's inner conflict)

_Why did you do that to yourself?_

_You're crazy._

Me and Phil had just finished eating our tea- beans, egg, bacon and toast. I also went for a second portion.

I couldn't help it.

_You've been under so much stress Dan. Phil attempting suicide, you realising your feelings and having to cope with the stress of what to tell others. _

_No wonder you let yourself go._

"You must be hungry!" Phil had told me. But I wasn't. I really wasn't.

I just needed my coping mechanism.

_And look where that got you!_

_You're so overweight Dan. Sort yourself out._

Without even thinking about it I found myself walking to the bathroom.

Why was I going to the bathroom? I don't need to be there.

_Oh yes you do._

_You know what you need to do._

I locked the door on arrival and stared at my reflection in the mirror. I couldn't help but notice how I seemed to bulge out of my newly bought t-shirt. I must have put on so much weight since then.

_Go on Dan. Phil has his earphones in whilst uploading the video...he won't hear a thing._

I pulled my shirt up to be greeted by the sight of my stomach. I pinched it between my thumb and forefinger with my free hand and was taken aback about how much fat I could feel.

_You disgust me._

I bent slightly; just enough so my mouth was aimed over the sink.

_You will feel so much better after this Dan._

_Trust me._

Everything after that was a bit of a blur in all honesty.

But all I knew was that right now my muscles felt so weak and my stomach so empty.

This was a good thing.

A relief.

_You did good Dan,_

_You did good._


	14. Skype

Chapter 13

*PHIL'S POINT OF VIEW*

"It's half five Dan, we should probably pick a winner now"

I was currently sat on the sofa flicking through competition entries on my laptop whilst Dan was led across the sofa with his head on my lap. He had been complaining he had a stomach ache and did look exhausted so I was giving him plenty of attention.

"Hmmm" Dan replied yawning "Okay"

"I've looked through them all and I've narrowed it down to my three favourites. They're pretty...unique shall I say"

"The fans are cray cray" Dan admitted jokingly.

I stroked his hair attentively and passed him my phone so he could pick a winner for the competition. He began to watch them one by one. Each one managed to pull a smile and a laugh from him and I couldn't help but admire that. He was such a beautiful human being.

"Oh my god, you have to choose the third one!" Dan exclaimed laughing. "She made a mask of your face and everything; A for effort. She presented your trout pout perfectly!"

"Hey!" I said in fake shock slapping him playfully on the arm "I do not have a trout pout!"

Dan rolled his eyes. "Yup, and I'm also the prime minister"

I smirked as I remembered the video. The video contained a girl named Ellie wearing a mask of myself performing 'my trout pout' as Dan calls it whilst copying one of my videos. She must have put a lot of effort in to her impression as she copied my movements from the video almost perfectly.

Dan checked her details and pulled up her twitter. Without asking for my permission he quickly privately messaged Ellie on my account informing her she had won our little competition.

"She only tweeted five minutes ago so we should get a quick reply" Dan explained and I nodded.

"Hey, you sort it out. I'm just going to go make myself look presentable" he told me and got up from the sofa; stretching out his limbs.

"You look great already" I complimented but he just stuck his tongue out at me and went to bathroom locking the door behind him.

Shrugging to myself I went to check my inbox on twitter. Oddly it made me feel warm inside that Dan went to message the winner on my account without asking. It made me feel that he was really comfortable with me and knew that I trusted him. Everything I ever wanted.

Surprisingly quick I had already had a reply from the winner, Ellie.

"**OMG! THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU GUYS! IM SO EXCITED TO TALK TO YOU! I'M A BIG BIG FAN X"**

I smiled to myself and typed in my reply. It was always nice to hear such positive things from fans. It always made me feel like what I was doing was worth it and always motivated me to produce more and more videos. Whenever I doubted myself I only had to read my mentions on twitter or comments on YouTube and I'd feel as high as a kite.

"**I'm glad we could make you smile. Have you got time to do our Skype call now, Ellie?"**

I pressed send then suddenly remembered I hadn't actually publically announced the winner.

"**CONGRATZ TO DanosaurRAWRR who has won the competition! All your entries made us laugh though. Thanks everyone!"**

_Tweet._

"BOO!"

I shrieked and jumped off of the sofa preparing to fight whoever it was. I mean, I'm not exactly intimidating...but it's worth a try, right?

The person who frightened me doubled up in to a fit of laughter and I realised it was Dan.

"DAAAN!" I complained and threw a pillow from the sofa at him which he defended from his body in reaction quickly.

"I'm sorry, it was too irresistible!" he laughed "like your mum!"

I pulled a face at him and flopped down on the sofa. He kissed me on the head and flopped down next to me.

"Awww, I'm sorry baby"

I sniffed the air and frowned. "You used minty mouthwash didn't you?"

"Err...yes? Why, is that a problem?" Dan replied.

"Ellie isn't going to be able to smell your breath y'know"

"I know" Dan agreed "but I wanted to anyway. So have we got a time for our Skype call yet then?"

I checked my inbox again to see what Ellie replied.

"**I certainly can! My Skype is DinosaurRAWRR12. I'm ready now if you want to call me x"**

"I'll take that as a yes then" Dan assured himself.

Bringing up Skype I added Ellie's Skype contact and expectedly she was online.

"You ready?" I asked Dan.

"Yeah" he replied and shuffled up closer to me so he would be in the webcam when it was on. I smiled at his touch and tried so hard not to take him in to my arms and put off the call for an hour or so.

Pressing call on Ellie's Skype contact we waited for her to answer. After two rings she answered and there before us was a girl with medium length brunette hair wearing the t-shirt with both me and Dan on together.

"HI GUYS!" she exclaimed waving.

"Hello!" me and Dan replied simualtaneously.

"I can't tell you enough how much this means to me! You guys have inspired me so much over the years I have been watching you both and I cannot believe I'm sat here right now talking to you face to face. I mean, not exactly face to face, but y'know what I mean. Wait, do you? Sorry...I'm just so socially awkward"

Dan laughed. "Don't worry Ellie. We're socially awkward too! You must already guess that though by my videos of internet support"

"Exactly!" I added "Plus it's really lovely to hear you like our videos so much and have been a fan for a lengthy time. That also means so much to us!"

Ellie squealed and we both laughed again.

"Hey, you've got icy blue eyes like Phil!" Dan observed and Ellie blushed.

"Thanks Dan! You must do a lot of staring in to Phil's eyes" she joked and now it was my time to blush.

"I sure do" he replied winking and I shook my head jokingly.

"You're both so cute together! It's like Phan in real life!"

"Do you read a lot of Phan then?" I asked her and she snorted.

"No! Of course not! Just kidding. I will go down with this ship! Something needs to fill the time between your next videos"

"I just hope you don't read any of the creepy perverted fanfic!" Dan joked and Ellie winked at him.

"I don't mean to sound creepy you guys, but it's just that this is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Thanks to you both I have grown so much confidence. I used to be such a shy and sullen person before I discovered your channels and now I feel as if I've grown with you both"

I felt a tear in my eye and I smiled. "You don't know how welcoming it is to hear that"

Dan bit his lip. "I'm glad our videos could help you Ellie I really am"

She smiled gratefully. "Anyway, I STILL can't believe you're both together! It's a match made in heaven"

"We think so too!" I told her and squeezed Dan's hand out of the sight of the webcam. He returned the squeeze and I could practically feel the love radiating from him.

"Are you guys going to Summer in the City?" Ellie asked. I facepalmed myself and looked to Dan horrified. "I completely forgot about that! That's in two weeks time isn't it?"

"Shit! Is it really that soon? It seemed like months away" Dan exclaimed and I nodded in agreement.

"Are you going Ellie?"

Ellie pulled a fake sad face and shook her head. "I don't have the money to travel to London sadly. It would be a dream to go though! I would love to see you guys in person and get a photo with you both"

"That's a real big shame" Dan admitted. "Still, I hope this Skype call made up for it"

"Definitely!" Ellie said enthusiastically.

I checked the time at the bottom of the screen. "Well, we best be going. It was fantastic meeting you!"

"You too!" Ellie returned. "I'll never forget this. Bye guys!"

"Seeya!" we said waving and ended the call.

"She was nice! Very bubbly" I commented and Dan agreed.

"Anyway" he said changing topic of conversation "There was something I was wanting to ask you"

"Oh? What's that?" I asked in both suspicion and interest.

"We never really went on a date before we got together did we? Unless you count the hospital"

"No, I guess we didn't" I admitted and giggled. "We do like to do things differently"

"So why don't we go on a date then?" Dan suggested "We should go somewhere tomorrow just the two of us"

"Brilliant!" I replied grinning from ear to ear. "We can go for dinner tomorrow night! There is this lovely Italian restaurant in town I want to try out"

"Err...sure thing" Dan hesitatingly replied.

I squinted my eyes at him. "Don't you want to? We don't have to if you don't want to"

"No!" he announced speedily. "No. It's a good idea. If it's what you want then I'll go book a table"

"Thanks babe" I said in gratitude and pulled him in for a passionate kiss I had longingly wanted to do.

***AUTHOR'S NOTE* Hey guys! This was a long chapter for me! Anyway, after I asked you all for descriptions for my meet and greet chapter I realised I had a hell of a lot of characters to portray. So kindly DinosaurRAWRR allowed me to use her character in this chapter so I had less to do later on. Thanks so much for that Ellie! I hope I portrayed your personality well. PS- If you don't know what Summer in the City is, it's the UK's version of VidCon but much smaller and with less popular YouTubers held in London. **


	15. Date Night

Chapter 14.

*AUTHOR'S NOTE* hey guys! sorry I take so damn long to update. I hope you all had a great christmas and new year! guess who got a Tobuscus shirt ;) Anyway, just to warn you there is a sex scene at the end of this but it won't be completely in detail. So don't say I didn't warn you.

*DAN'S POINT OF VIEW*

"You're looking very handsome tonight"

I turned on my heel to be greeted by the beautiful sight of Phil standing before me in his 'going out for dinner' outfit. He was sporting a purple and black checkered shirt with black skinny jeans.

"Not too bad yourself kid" I replied grinning.

Phil offered me his arm mocking the old fashioned gentleman style and I linked mine through his gladly.

I'm not sure I would have made it to the restaurant if I wasn't clinging on to Phil for dear life; a constant reminder as to why I was torturing myself there.

The restaurant Phil was so desperate to go to was named Bottelinos. As soon as we entered through the entrance the smell of pasta, pizza and tomato hit my sense of smell without any warning. I instantly found myself feeling nauseous at the various foods but I gulped and carry on walking.

"Table for Howell please" I said to the waiter standing at the door. A table for two had already been booked- the rose, the candles, the works. The italian looking waiter checked his bookings and eventually led us to a intimate table by the window.

"Oooh" Phil giggled "I'm Howell too am I? I could get used to this"

"I'm glad baby" I said smiling. Secretly I was incredibly pleased he found that so nice. I'd love to make him my husband one day.

"Are you having a Starter?" Phil asked scanning his eyes down the menu contemplating his dilemma "I mean I would but then I'm not sure I'd eat a dessert. But then what about if I don't want a dessert after my meal?"

I cleared my throat and looked at the Starters category. The option with the less calories that I could see was prawn cocktail, however then I knew I wouldn't eat my main meal which would come off as peculiar. I had to play it cool.

"No I'm not going to have a Starter" I eventually replied with certainty "But you can have one if you like! Then if you're hungry afterwards you can also have a dessert"

Lucky Phil. He could always eat whatever he wanted and still stay slim and perfect in each and every way.

"I don't want a Starter either then" he finally decided and went on to look at the main meals.

Eventually we ordered our food (mine reluctantly) and sent the waiter away with our chosen meals. Phil had gone with spinach and ricotta cannelloni, something I thought he was going to go for anyway as he loves the stuff, and I went with the healthiest option of just normal spaghetti bolognese. Drink wise Phil had tried to persuade me to share a champagne bottle with him to celebrate our first date but I insisted I was perfectly fine with bottled water. He only sighed at this and ordered a glass of wine for himself.

"I can't believe we're here!" Phil piped up to break the silence.

I laughed. "What, at this restaurant? It didn't take much to get here"

"No" Phil smirked rolling his eyes "I mean us. Together. On a date. I would have thought me going to Antarctica would be more likely to happen than to get the man of my dreams"

I blushed at his compliment. "Well you could still go to Antarctica if you really want to"

"I think I'll pass" Phil admitted. "But it kind of leads me to the subject I wanted to really talk to you about"

Suddenly I felt nervous and I tapped my foot up and down fidgeting. I tried making a joke. "You really do want to go to Antarctica? Man, you're going to be on your own on that one"

"Not quite" Phil said blushing. Why was he blushing?

"I've really enjoyed our relationship so far Dan, everything has been so perfect! The kissing, the cuddling, its all great but..."

"You're not breaking up with me are you?!" I interrupted out of concern. I don't think I could live without my Phillip.

"No, no of course not!" he answered quickly and I mentally sighed a sigh of relief. "Quite the opposite. I don't want to rush our relationship, or you for that matter, but um..well we've become really close and intimate but never quite...intimate intimate y'know?"

I frowned. "I'm not following you babe"

Phil looked down at his glass of wine and ran circles around the brim with his index finger. "I was wondering if you'd like to go to the next stage of our relationship"

Everything suddenly clicked. I was definitely on the same page as him now.

I reached over and pulled Phil's hand to mine. "I wouldn't like anything more in the world" I whispered and Phil looked up at me hopefully. "I want our connection to be as close as it can get; I want us to share something we can't share with others. So yes is my answer"

"Really?" Phil asked trying to take it all in.

"Really"

Suddenly the waiter came over with our food and we pulled our hands away from another clearing our throats and looking embarrassed as if the waiter knew what we were talking about. He just raised his eyebrows and placed our food in front of us.

I couldn't wait for later on now.

But first I would have to get through this plate of evil food.

As we reached outside our apartment it felt such a rush to get the key in the door and unlock it. Me and Phil were both eager to get inside as we both silently knew what would happen next. As soon as I unlocked the door I practically fell through the doorway with Phil in tow before he slammed the door behind him and pushed me up against it. He kissed me passionately, roughly, running his hand down my chest. He travelled his way down to my neck where he kissed it heavily, before biting and sucking it with plenty of pressure. I realised he was giving me a love bite and I moaned in reaction. When he was satisfied with what he did to my neck he pulled back and gazed at me in the eyes. I gazed back at him longingly in silence; begging him with my eyes to take me. Phil slowly held out his left hand and I reached for it; clasping my palm around his. He turned to face his bedroom and pulled me towards it and I followed calmly. When we got in to his room I took a chance to be the dominant one and pushed him on to the bed. But this time I kissed him slower and romantically. I wanted our first time together to be perfect. After lying on him for so long just kissing I sat up still straddling him so I could unbutton his shirt one by one and pull it off. Phil shivered and quietly whimpered under my touch and closed his eyes; savouring the moment. I threw the shirt to the side and admired his wonderfully pale torso. I couldn't believe this was all mine to love and nobody else's. Phil couldn't wait any longer and pulled off my shirt too with ease and took his moment to admire mine. This made me self conscious all of a sudden, so I quickly led back down on him and started kissing his chest in hope he wouldn't be looking at my body any longer. Sure enough he was back to closing his eyes and trailing his fingers through my hair. I kissed right down to his belly button and began to undo his jeans. This revealed a black pair of fitting boxers that shut me off from what was beneath them.

"You ready?" I asked Phil.

Phil let out a breath and opened his eyes to look at me with meaning.

"Ready"

*AUTHOR'S NOTE* was that alright guys? Would you have liked to have had every detail of their sex scene or was it okay the way it was? I'm not afraid about writing about the whole 'event' but I don't want to scare people off. However I won't keep these scenes completely from my stories as I don't think it represents their relationship as well otherwise. Reviews would be awesome!


	16. Reactions

Chapter 15.

***DAN'S POINT OF VIEW***

You know how randomly in the middle of the night you'll somehow wake up and not understand why?

Well, this was one of those times.

The events of last night came flooding in to my mind. Phil's seductive smile; the shiver down my spine as he traced my collar bones.

The restaurant where I ate too much food.

Trying my hardest to get out of bed without waking up the peacefully sleeping Phil, I crept out of the room and in to the bathroom. Every time I went in to the bathroom it would always bring back horrific memories of Phil that seem to be engraved in to my mind. But it's not like I could avoid going in there.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror and I couldn't help but grimace. What did Phil even see in me? Already I could see the food from the restaurant proving fat on my stomach. Hesitantly I pulled out the scales from beneath the sink and placed it in the centre of the bathroom.

Left foot on to the scale.

Right foot on to the scale.

I was really afraid of how much I would weigh. I almost couldn't bring myself to look at it. But with a heavy sigh I brought myself to look down at where that intimidating red line reached on the scale.

I couldn't feel more disgusted.

As if it was burning coal I leapt off of the scales and shoved it back under the sink carelessly with my food. How could I be so stupid, so careless?

I had to take drastic measures then. Evidently the diet I was on wasn't doing anything for me. I need to take it up a notch.

If I was to get down to the perfect weight I would have to not eat or drink for a few days. Perhaps a one or two cups of water, but that's it. Anything I could possibly consume I would later regret.

I wish I could be perfect like Phil.

Thinking of Phil, I decided I should get back to his loving embrace. Unlocking the door quietly and turning off the light behind me I tiptoed towards the room to where Phil was snoring softly. I got back in to bed slowly and snuggled up close to him.

I was so lucky to have him. I just wish he'd realise he could do so much better.

-...-

***PHIL'S POINT OF VIEW***

**-3 HOURS LATER-**

"The sun has got his hat on, hip-hip-hooray! The sun has got his hat on and he's coming out to play"

Dan groaned in his sleep and turned to face away from me. I was trying to wake him up to show him something important but he seemed completely out of it.

Still cute as ever though.

"WAKEY WAKEY RISE AND SHINE! GOOD MORNING, GOOD MORNING, TO YOU!"

Dan groaned again and folded his pillow over so it covered both his ears.

"Don't sing...five more minutes..." he complained.

"Nope!" I expressed in a sing song voice. "I know you're exhausted from last night's particular adventure but I have something I want to show you"

With a great sigh Dan turned over to face back to me and open his eyes. "It was fun last night" he admitted. I couldn't help but beam with happiness. "I couldn't agree more"

Dan yawned and dragged himself to sit up. "So what is so important that you need to wake me up for?"

I beckoned Dan to come closer to me so he rested his head on my chest. His touch instantly gave me chills. I adjusted the laptop on my legs so that Dan could see it too and he looked up at me in confusion.

"I've been scanning through the comments on our 'Coming Out' video" I explained. "There are even a few video responses! They're all so nice Dan, you HAVE to read them"

Dan reached out his hand and used it to move the cursor so he could scroll down the comments. With each comment he read a little smile would appear on his face until it spread in to a teeth-bearing grin.

"They're all so lovely!" He complimented.

"I know right? I don't even know why we ever doubted our fans! They're always here to support us. Here, watch the video responses. You'll be pleasantly surprised!"

Taking my advice he went back up to the video responses and clicked on the first one.

The first video was of a girl named Catherine who had a Scottish accent. As she spoke enthusiastically her curly hair bounced around her as if they were springs. Her eyes were a shade of blue- equal to my own to be exact.

"HI DAN AND PHIL!" Catherine called loudly. "I am seriously your biggest fan!"

Dan laughed and I smiled to myself. I didn't mean to sound egotistical but if I had a pound for every time I heard that then I would be rich.

"I don't know if you'll watch this, probably not, but hey! Worth a go...Anyway, I wanted to explain HOW HAPPY I AM YOU ARE BOTH TOGETHER! This is seriously a dream come true. Phan actually exists!"

The rest of the video continued in this same manner, explaining why she was such a big fan of us and how pleased she is we plucked up the courage to come out.

"Anyway" she ended "Enough of that. I really hope you both see this! Seeyaaa!"

The video ended and I looked down at Dan.

"Don't you just love our fans?" he said and I grinned at him in agreement.

After quickly typing a short comment so Catherine would know we had watched it, I clicked off of the video and pressed on the other video response.

Suddenly a girl popped up out of nowhere to face the camera.

"Hola!" she greeted. "I'm Anna". Anna seemed pretty tall with shiny black hair. Admittedly her bubbliness was fun to watch and you couldn't help but feel warm at her presence.

Another girl popped up from the bottom screen. "Bonjour! I'm Rowan"

"How many of them are there?!" Dan joked.

"Just these two, I swear" I replied.

Rowan was a tall girl like Catherine from the other video with pale skin; complimenting her dark brown hair.

"We're really happy for you both! I can't believe you're a couple!" Anna commented.

"Yeah, think of the fan fiction that's going to come out of that" Rowan said sarcastically whilst winking at the camera.

Anna looked shocked and playfully slapped her friend's arm. "Behave! Anyway, it was kind of a shock. But a good one of course! "

"...Just imagine what they get up to as a couple" Rowan joined in sniggering to herself and Anna just rolled her eyes in reaction.

"Seriously though" Rowan added "We are pleased for you. It takes a lot of will power to come out and say something like that to family and friends, not to mention thousands and thousands of fans. Kudos to you both!"

Anna nodded; seemingly the only thing she agreed with out of all the things Rowan said.

Eventually the girls signed off with goodbyes and ended the video.

"I gotta say that Rowan girl is pretty funny" Dan complimented.

"Yeah, and Anna seemed pretty damn awesome too"

Closing the screen on my laptop I moved it on to the bedside table and Dan flopped back down on his pillow. I copied his action and rested upon my own.

"So" he began; breaking the silence. "I was thinking, Summer in the City is in two days"

I mentally slapped myself. "Oh god yeah. How on earth do I keep forgetting that?"

"Guess what I realised" he carried on.

"What?"

"We're booked in separate rooms"

Again I found myself mentally slapping my stupidity. The hotel rooms had been booked for the event long before we were partners.

"But I don't want to sleep in a double bed all alone without you" I complained; pouting my lips out.

"Well then, you'll have to be a naughty boy and sneak in to my room" Dan replied with a mischievous wink.

I bit my lip and leaned over so I was inches away from his face.

"Maybe I shall. I might need some practice of being a naughty boy though"

Dan pulled the duvet so it covered us both up in our own little world.

"Be my guest"

***AUTHORS NOTE* Wow! Such a cringy ending, I know. But I just had to! Anyway, let's get to the point where I make a billion excuses for not updating in so long. Two weeks ago I wrote this chapter on my iPad, and when I went to press cut at the end of it so I could upload it guess what I stupidly did? I bloody pressed paste instead where the whole text was replaced with something completely different. You have no idea how frustrated I was! I had stayed up until 4am to write all of that and it all seemed for nothing. It was only days later when I discovered I could have saved that file too. Furthermore the fans in this chapter are actual people who read this story and I had deleted their descriptions after I used them so it took me ages to scroll through all my reviews and try and remember who they were! So yeah, sorry about that. HOWEVER. Next chapter is the chapter you've all been waiting for! It is where I put ALL the rest of your character descriptions that you sent me to use in to action. Please be aware I have a lot to get through though as I have about 16 or 17 people. THANKS! PS- I admin a page on Facebook now with a few other girls called 'The Fantastic Foursome' (obviously for Dan, Phil, PJ and Chris) so if you're on Facebook be sure to like the page and let me know you're a reader! **


	17. Summer in the City

Chapter 16

***AUTHOR'S NOTE* this chapter took me ages! I hope you all like it. Each and every character in this is all of you who submitted your names and your personalities to me! I would very much like it if you all reviewed this chapter as I genuinely spent so much time trying to somehow get everyone involved. Thanks! PS- sorry I took such a long break. I have a million excuses, honest. **

The sound of shrieking fan girls were deafening.

Dan and Phil had woken up early that morning to make sure they'd make it to summer in the City on time. It wasn't exactly your favourite type of a summer day, but at least it wasn't raining. The boys knew there would be a lot of fans...

But they didn't know there would be _this_ many.

"Please could you sign this for me guys? My name is TK and oh my gosh I love you both to pieces" before either Phil or Dan could reply TK's black beanie hat that covered the majority of her lilac coloured hair was stolen by a girl behind her with red hair and sporting a Blood On The Dance Floor t-shirt. "ALI!" exclaimed TK as she chased after her friend who was running off with her hat.

Phil and Dan laughed and moved on to the next in line.

"Oh my god I can't believe I'm meeting you both! I'm Nichole" grinned a curvy girl with wavy black hair. She suddenly swung her arms around Phil before reaching to give a hug to Dan also and they greeted her happily.

"Would you like a photo?" asked Dan.

"Yes please!" Nichole agreed grinning from ear to ear. She passed her camera to her friend Jenna and couldn't help but blush when the guys put their arms around her for the photo. Jenna seemed slightly uncomfortably awkward being in such a big gathering, but you could tell she was deep down enjoying being around her favourite YouTubers. Nichole and Jenna then swapped places so she could have a photo with the boys.

"Hey" she smiled sweetly to them.

"Hey" Dan replied.

"Are you having a good time?" Phil asked.

Jenna nodded enthusiastically. Before she could say anything else the crowd moved forwards towards Dan and Phil so reluctantly her and Nichole had to move out of the way.

Next up was a short petite girl named Iolande. She daintily walked forward to Dan and Phil with a huge smile on her face.

"I just. I just cannot believe I am meeting you guys!"

Phil looked taken aback. "Is that an Australian accent I hear?"

Iolande's smile grew bigger. "Yes, it is actually! I and my family have come here on holiday and luckily for me it was during summer in the City. I never thought I would I would ever meet you both"

"Well now you have" joked Dan, simultaneously signing an autograph. "It's refreshing to hear people who don't have British accents here"

After Iolande took a photo with them and left, three girls named Cassie, Regan and Lauren bolted forwards as a group giggling and blushing at the fact of meeting their idols. Cassie began to blush, a crimson red forming under her freckles and glasses. Regan nudged her shoulder reassuringly and winked at her with her piercing blue eyes. The first person to speak to the boys was Lauren.

"Hiya!" she greeted in a sing song voice. She seemed like a really friendly girl.

"Hi!" Dan replied. "Wow, isn't your hair so red! It looks lovely" This time it was Lauren's time to blush to which Regan saw as an invitation to carry on the conversation.

"Can we get a picture with you guys?" she asked and they both nodded. All three girls stood around Dan and Phil; Cassie had tears in her eyes she was so overwhelmed.

"Thank you so much! You do not realise how much it means to me to meet you. I have been watching you for absolute ages" Cassie finally spoke up, complimenting the boys.

After they left Dan and Phil couldn't feel more positive if they tried. It was always nice when fans were so genuinely nice.

In addition, a lovely looking girl called Katie shuffled forwards; tucking her long brown hair behind her ears. She was on her own and was clutching a stainless white envelope in her trembling hands.

Phil smiled at her reassuringly. "Hello. How are you?" he said as politely as possible.

"I am good thanks. Much better actually now I am finally at the front of the queue.

Dan giggled. "Yeah, sorry about the wait. Thanks for coming though we really appreciate it. What's that you have there?"

Katie held out the envelope in her hands. "This is a letter I have written for both of you including a drawing. Please don't open it until later though otherwise I will get too embarrassed!"

Phil gleamed and pulled her in for a hug, followed by Dan. Katie left and Phil tucked the envelope in to his jacket pocket safely.

Next up a bubbly girl sporting a vibrant Doctor Who t-shirt called Gemma came forward holding a camera in her face.

"Hi guys! She said to her camera. Look who I am just about to meet!" she pointed her camera at Phil who stuck out his tongue before showing Dan who did is usual salute.

She stopped her vlog before changing it to camera mode and snapped a photo with them where they all pulled funny faces. She thanked them a million times before letting the next people past and Dan and Phil were pleasured to see such a bright personality.

Natalie was the following person to come forward along with her friend Amy.

"Oh. My. God!" Amy squealed. She practically threw herself at the boys and hugged them close. "You two make a good couple, just saying". As she pulled away Phil was blushing, however, Dan just found it hilarious. He signed Amy's t-shirt then passed the pen to Phil who had finally gone back to his normal, pale white skin colour.

Natalie apologised for her friend's over excitement and introduced herself formally to Dan and Phil. She had dark blonde hair that went shiny in the direct sunlight.

"I have something for you both!" she announced and pulled two objects out of her bag: a toy of a llama and a lion.

"Thanks so much!" Dan yelped and took his toy llama gratefully. Phil was also pleased and they made sure to thank Natalie multiple times before her and Amy left to see other YouTubers at the gathering.

The girls who came up afterwards were girls they had already met. It was TK and Ali again.

"Long time no see!" Ali joked and Phil sniggered.

"Can we finally meet you now or are you going to run off again?" Dan joked.

TK squealed at the idea of Dan wanting to meet them and she nodded eagerly. The girls chatted briefly with them before this time TK stole something at Ali's and ran off with it.

The last three fans Dan and Phil met that day were Sarah, Georgia and Nienke. Nienke seemed to be the youngest one there, about 12/13 years old and Sarah seemed quite protective over her with an arm around her shoulder. Georgia walked beside Nienke.

"You do not realise how long we have been waiting here!" Sarah started. She was wearing an "Art is the weapon" t-shirt whilst absently playing with her lip piercing.

"I think we do" Phil replied "We have been standing here this whole time. Thanks for waiting so long though!"

Sarah went over to Dan and took a photo with him whilst making jokes as Nienke skipped towards Phil.

All of a sudden Nienke blurted out a mixture of words and stutters. "OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG I CANNOT BELIEVE I AM STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU BOTH I CAN'T I JUST…HOLY MOTHER OF GOD"

"Woah! Calm down, it's alright. I am as human as you are" Phil said laughing. Suddenly Nienke wrapped her arms around his waist giving him a bear hug.

"I'm sorry, I am just so damn excited"

Eventually Phil had to pat her on the back to remind her to let go. She did so and thanked him before going over to Sarah and Dan.

Finally, it was Georgia's turn. Her brown hair framed her face wonderfully and Phil was surprised at how lovely her hair was.

"Don't worry, I won't throw myself at you. I am as normal as normal can be" she said thoughtfully and Phil dramatically made a 'phew!' action.

"Looks like you are the last fan today!" Phil commented and Georgia sarcastically bowed. He then signed her iPhone case and thanked her for coming.

After all the girls had spoken and joked with Dan too that was the end of the gathering for Dan and Phil. They were both laden with gifts from all their fans and they were eager to open them all. However they were both also very keen to get to their hotel rooms and sleep.

After the fairly long journey to their hotel rooms, they sadly bid one another farewell. Because of booking the rooms before they got together, they had to sleep alone.

"I'll miss you" Dan said sweetly, squeezing Phil's hand.

"Me too. Goodnight baby" They shared a goodnight kiss and went their own ways.

Upon entering his room, Phil threw his gifts on the bed and began to pull his shirt off. He flung it on the floor and plodded in to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

Just as we was about to put the toothbrush in his mouth, there was a knock on the door. Frowning, Phil put down his toothbrush and went to the door.

As soon as he opened it he was greeted by the sight of Dan standing their grinning sheepishly with his shoes in one hand and shirt in the other.

"What are you doing?" Phil asked, puzzled.

"Well, I was in the middle of getting change and decided that I could not possibly last one night not at your side. So I came running here as fast as I could!"

Phil couldn't help but gleam at how much Dan wanted him. "But what about your hotel room? What about the money you spent on it?"

Dan rolled his eyes. "Don't think about the money! Just be pleased I'm here. To hell with the room…I'm staying with you"

Phil didn't want to protest anymore in fear Dan would go back. Secretly, he was considering going to Dan's room too.

Phil stood aside and gestured for his wonderful boyfriend to come in. Dan walked in and jumped on the bed; claiming his side.

They were inseparable.


	18. Phil's Thoughts

Chapter 17.

***PHIL'S POINT OF VIEW***

I was finding it so troublesome to actually sleep.

I just couldn't help but smile to myself that night. If anyone was to walk in now and see me they would think I was a right weirdo- lying in bed grinning to myself.

It's just I couldn't believe how perfect life was.

Not so long ago I was ready to give everything up. I believed I was a waste of space and that nothing good could ever happen to me. I was so, so tired of everything. All I wanted to do was sleep...forever.

The aching feeling that would be inside me day after day only grew bigger and bigger until I had a breakdown and couldn't cope anymore.

Every time I'd looked at Dan all that filled me was sadness. I had grown out of clinging on to hope he might feel the same way about me a long time ago.

But now look at me!

With every step I take I am bouncing with enthusiasm for life. I have the best boyfriend I could have ever dreamed for and all the pieces of my puzzle were slotting together nicely. Now when I look at Dan all I can see is joy and happiness for eternity. It had hope and life restored in to me all because of him and I couldn't be more grateful.

I couldn't believe how selfish I was when I swallowed those pills. Dan would be grieving over my grave, and he would have to somehow find a way to explain to our fans what happened. How would he have coped?

After being at Summer in the City it was an instant reminder how much the fans mean to me. To think all those people came to London, the busiest place in the UK, to meet me and Dan was enough self-confidence to last a life time. It made me feel sick knowing I was prepared to throw that all away.

So all I can be is grateful that I was given another shot at life. I don't believe in God, but if I did I sure would be counting my blessings. I was so lucky not to have died that near fatal day.

Now all I could do was make the most of it. I would be thankful to the fans every day, be sure to stay involved in my family's lives, spend more time with my friends and most of all, say 'I love you' to the man in my life.

This life was all I ever wanted.

***AUTHOR'S NOTE* Hi. Yeah, I know it has been months, you don't need to remind me. I've missed this, but I have also needed a well-earned break. It is my last year in school and I have a billion exams, along with dealing with the diagnosis of anxiety disorder and pretty much social phobia. I know it's just a load of excuses, but they're true. It was also my birthday in that time and I got a new laptop for it. So I have more of a reason to post now!**


	19. Home Sweet Home

Chapter 18.

***DAN'S POINT OF VIEW***

"Seven AM waking up in the morning…"

"Having a bowl of cereal…or something like that"

"I don't know…blah blah IT'S FRIDAY, FRIDAY, GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY!"

I groaned and steadily opened my eyes.

I felt like a bus had hit me.

"Phil, babe, please stop singing. I'm trying to sleep"

Phil ignored me and carried on.

"FRIDAY"

"Phil..."

"FRIDAY, FRIDAY"

"PHIL!"

He eventually stopped and towered over me. He was already fully dressed and perched by my side.

"We have to get the train back home Dan. I've already let you sleep in as much as you want. I even took your hotel room keys and packed your stuff for you! Now get up"

I sighed and mentally thought how thoughtful Phil was a boyfriend. But I really could not find the energy to move a muscle.

Knowing that I couldn't miss the train I reluctantly pulled myself out of bed and stood up. A pain in my stomach suddenly panged and I groaned in distress.

"What's wrong?" Phil asked worriedly, standing up beside me.

I shrugged and hobbled in to the bathroom to get ready. "Nothing" I called back "Just got up too quickly".

The journey back to our place seemed like it took forever. Not only did I have to cope with the hustling and bustling of the London Underground, I felt like a walking zombie; dead to the entire world. Every time a busy worker in a fancy suit pushed passed me talking business down the phone to someone it would force a pain in my side and stomach which hurt very bad.

When we eventually reached our destination, I was thoroughly exhausted. All I wanted to do was clamber in to bed, curl up in to the smallest ball and sleep for the rest of the week. This thought made me think of Green Day's song "Wake Me up When September Ends"

I laughed for the first time that day.

"What are you giggling at?" Phil asked grinning; dumping his suitcase on the sofa.

"Nothing really" I replied.

"Seeing as you're in such a good mood" Phil added, striding over to me and putting his arms around my neck. "We should end our trip on a good note!"

Before I could ask him what he meant by that he pulled my head to his face and kissed me seductively. Soon he realised I wasn't kissing him back and pulled away completely confused.

"What's wrong? Does my breath stink?" he asked, puzzled.

I shook my head. "No, of course not. I'm just too tired from the trip Phil, honestly, I just want to go to bed"

Phil stepped back and put his hand on his hip. "Are you declining sex with me Mr Howell?"

I put on sympathetic smile. "Yeah, I am Mr Lester. As hot as you are, I really am out of energy right now and need a reboot. I think I will just go to sleep for a few hours"

"But you can't sleep yet!" he protested "We haven't even eaten today. We'll order a takeaway and just sit in front of the TV playing games and stuffing ourselves silly. How about that for relaxation?"

I mentally puked at the thought of eating a greasy, calorie infested takeaway.

"I'm not hungry Phil. I just want to rest"

Phil sighed. "Fine, please yourself. I will have dinner for one then"

I honestly felt bad right there and then. I felt like I was failing Phil as a boyfriend and I acted like I didn't appreciate him enough.

If only he realised.

Suddenly my stomach felt like it was being tied in to a million knots and nausea hit me like a ton of bricks.

I bent double and groaned loudly. Phil rushed over to my side and put a hand on my back.

"Dan! Dan! Talk to me, what's wrong?!"

I feebly pushed him out the way and stumbled over to the bathroom. I leaned over the sink and knew what was going to happen. Unfortunately for me Phil raced after me in concern. I really didn't want him to see this.

But as I threw up, it wasn't what I expected. It wasn't the usual.

It was all blood.

I looked up at Phil in fear and he stared at me in alarm.

"Oh my god Dan, that's blood! That's not right, that's not good at all…"

Unexpectedly my vision went fuzzy and my head felt like it was permanently on a merry-go-round.

"Dan! You've gone all pale. I don't like the look of this!" Phil exclaimed.

But I could barely hear him.

And after one more unbearable pang of pain forced itself upon me I fell to the ground, crashing on the bathroom floor.

The last thing I heard was screaming.

I don't know whether it came from me or Phil.

But that's where everything went black.

I was engulfed in total darkness.


	20. I Should Have Noticed

Chapter 19.

***PHIL'S POINT OF VIEW***

I always knew ambulance sirens were loud.

But my god, it didn't compare to actually sitting inside one as the siren went manically off.

The emotions I was feeling?

Fright. Anxiety. Panic.

I couldn't help but think how it was for you when I was the one laying in that bed looking gone from the world.

Now it was my turn to be worried sick.

Please don't die Dan.

Please don't.

I need you.

It's more than want…it's a necessity.

The ambulance crew were talking calmly back and forth in a whole different language that seemed gibberish to me.

But I could tell by the look in their eyes they were very concerned about your welfare.

Please don't leave me Dan.

If you survive this, whatever this is, I will tell you how much I love you every single day.

I'll do anything.

Just please.

Please.

Don't go.

There is blood around your mouth, Dan.

Your skin colour is paler than mine and your eyes are sealed shut.

You have drips of all kind hanging all around you with needles from here, there and everywhere piercing your beautiful flawless skin.

Part of me wants to rip them all out and tell everybody to go; part of me wants to cuddle you in my arms and protect you myself.

But I know you wouldn't have a chance of life if I did that.

If you survive I will always let you win the games we play on our Xbox.

If you survive I won't ever tell you off for swearing, making rude jokes or saying "Your Mum".

I won't ever challenge you, protest to you or wake you up in the morning when I know you'd want to sleep in.

You'd love that.

So please, for god's sake, stay alive.

We eventually arrive at the hospital and the crew push past me to get you through the emergency doors. There are doctors waiting upon your arrival.

They were expecting you.

It's obvious they're not sure if you'll live.

I follow as quickly as I can. You reach a room where they finally stop pushing you and instead give you more needles to deal with.

A nurse tries to push me out, telling me that I can go get a coffee and sit in the relatives' room, but I insist on staying put and refuse to budge. She gives up and rushes back to your side along with the other medical professionals.

You look so fragile, Dan.

You look like you'll break at a moment's notice.

They take your shirt off to get better access to your body and they all look shocked.

What are they shocked about?

But then I soon realise.

Where are your muscle Dan? You used to be so toned.

All I see is your ribs jutting out.

How did I not notice this?

I hug you every day; sleep by your side.

I make love to you.

How did I not notice you wasting away?

"He hasn't been eating or drinking" I hear a voice say.

How did I not notice?

Why didn't I make you more meals?

I should have known.

I'm sorry Dan.

I'm so sorry.

***AUTHOR'S NOTE* Well, this was a sad chapter. I hope this isn't triggering for some people. There will only be about two more chapters after this; I am bringing the story to an end. Thanks for reading, please review if you have the time. **

**Best Wishes.**


	21. Waking Up Again

Chapter 20.

***DAN'S POINT OF VIEW***

"He should be waking up about now Mr Lester"

"Please, just call me Phil"

Who was Phil talking to?

"Ph…" my voice was interrupted by a horrid pain in my throat. It felt like swallowing sandpaper.

"Dan!"

The other voice started again. "Don't try to speak yet. Here, swallow this"

Before I had a chance to ask what the stranger was talking about I suddenly felt a cool liquid running down my throat. I gulped it eagerly to get rid of the rough feeling.

Water.

I slowly opened my eyes and it took a while for them to adjust to the bright lights. A woman in a nurse uniform was standing over me with an empty plastic cup in her hand.

"Hello sunshine" she said. "Do you know where you are?"

"No" I croaked. I heard sniffles coming from the other side of me and I instantly recognised it as coming from Phil.

I gradually looked to my side; ignoring anything the woman in the nurse uniform was saying to me. All I could focus on was the sight of a frail, tired looking Phil with swollen red eyes.

"Phil" I managed to say.

He leaned forward and grabbed my hand. I looked down and realised I had a needle in the back of my hand with a tube attached to it. I followed the tube with my eyes and saw it reached a big bag of liquid.

I must be in hospital.

"What happened Phil? I asked him in a small voice. I sounded like a little frightened child.

"You puked blood sweetheart. Your body was very weak and tired…and…and you collapsed"

Phil started crying as the memories came flooding back to me.

I turned back to the nurse as she was trying to prop me up so I could sit up better. My body ached in ways I never knew it could.

"Now, Dan, I need to ask you some very important questions and I need you to answer them honestly. Can you do that for me?"

I nodded my head and noticed she had a clipboard and pen in her hands.

"When was the last time you ate something?"

I froze.

Oh god, they know.

I stayed quiet and I heard Phil sigh.

"Please be honest Dan. We need to know. Please do it for me"

I would do anything for Phil and he knew it. He had me right there.

"I…I had salad two days ago"

"And how many meals were you eating?"

I paused. "I wasn't really eating meals. I ate a healthy snack every other day if I was doing a good enough job"

Phil's breathing hitched at that sentence and I felt a pang of guilt. What must he be going through?

The nurse scribbled some more notes.

"When was the last time you drank something?"

I had to think about that. "I…I don't know"

The nurse pitched a wild strand of her hair behind her ear and looked me straight in the eyes.

"Do you realise Dan how dangerous that is? You need to eat three meals a day and drink plenty of fluids"

"Dan" Phil said cutting in. "You had dehydration and your stomach was damaged from unnecessary throwing up. The acid was killing you from the inside. How could you do that to yourself? You could have died"

"I wasn't trying to kill myself, I promise" I answered truthfully. "I'm just sick of my body and the way it looks. I want to be perfect. I don't want these folds of fat; I don't want what the weighing scales say to me to be real. I want to be perfect"

Phil suddenly started crying. I wanted to comfort him and hold him close but I could not pluck up the energy to get up and go to him.

"I think you have an eating disorder Dan"

"An eating disorder?" I repeated. "Are you sure?"

"Yes" continued the nurse "You show all the symptoms. There is no doubt about it. You'll have to attend regular sessions at the ED Unit when your injuries are better. You had a lucky escape. Have you got any questions?"

I was confused. A million sentences had been thrown at me at once that I didn't understand.

An eating disorder?

Could it really be?

I guess I didn't have the same eating habits as Phil. Or anyone else I knew for that matter.

The nurse took my silence as a no and quietly left the room. I guess she wanted to give me and Phil some time alone.

The awkward silence was deafening.

"I'm scared" I eventually admitted and I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

Phil got up and climbed on to the bed with me. He put his arms around me and said nothing; just held me as close as he could, given all the tubes coming out of me.

He was trembling and this made me cry more.

"I'm sorry I have done this to you Phil" I blurted. "I'm so damn sorry"

"No" Phil said, crying once more. "I'm sorry. I should have noticed. I should have realised how you have been wasting away. You're so skinny, Dan"

I didn't agree with what he said but I made sure not to let him know that as I knew it would hurt him more.

He kissed my forehead and leaned his head on top of mine.

"You will get better, I promise you that. I will be there every step of the way through this"

I wanted to believe him, but I couldn't see myself eating a meal any time soon.

"What will they do to me at the ED Unit?" I asked.

He stroked my hair. "They will weigh you, measure you etc. frequently and give you counselling. They will help you look at food more positively and also help me learn how to help you"

"But I don't want to go" I sobbed "I'm really scared"

"You'll be okay" he assured me. "You'll do it for me though, won't you?"

He really knew how to get me to agree to something.

"For you then" I told him. "I will do my best"

Phil ran his hand along my arm. "That's all I ever wanted from you. And just for the record…you've always been perfect in my eyes"

We lay there on my small hospital bed for what felt like hours.

It couldn't be that comfortable for him, but I greedily didn't want him to let go either.

I relived what happened in my head; I could remember it so clearly now.

I remembered collapsing in the bathroom after throwing up blood in the sink.

"That bathroom holds such awful memories for us" I stated to him.

For other people this sentence would confuse them alone; but Phil understood what I meant perfectly as if he was thinking the exact same thing.

"I know. We both had some pretty horrid times in that bathroom. But we will overcome it. We are strong as a couple, right?"

I nodded in agreement.

I felt myself drifting off to sleep in the warmth of Phil's arms.

I wish I could have stayed there forever.


	22. Best and Worst

Chapter 21.

***DAN'S POINT OF VIEW***

"You'll be alright" Phil confirmed, squeezing my hand. "I promise"

What felt like hours to me later, we arrived at the double white doors to the ED Unit. I had been discharged from hospital that same day but before I could go to the security of my home, I had to be brave and make a trip to what seemed the scariest place on earth.

Sitting in the waiting room was torture. Although I had the loving warmth of Phil's hand clasped in mine to help me know I'm safe, it seemed like I was in a queue waiting to be pushed off a cliff. Additionally there were so many other people in the room, families mostly, all with sullen looks on their faces.

You could tell by the look of them who the patients were.

"Mr Howell?"

I looked up to see a friendly looking nurse standing in the doorway with a clipboard.

"Come on babe" Phil prompted, standing up with his hand still holding mine.

I slowly got up and walked towards the door. The nurse led us both to a comfortable looking room which was obviously made with panicking patients in mind. The designs down right to the furniture were all of calm, peaceful colours. Anything to help people relax.

"Hello" said the doctor sitting in the room on a business-like chair. He got up and shook Phil's hand and my own trembling one before we all sat down.

He proceeded to do small health checks, such as checking my blood pressure, whilst making small talk. Luckily for me Phil did all the replying whilst I got to just sit there and nod my head.

"So what have you eaten so far today Dan?" the doctor asked me.

I swallowed hard. "I have had breakfast so far today. I had two pieces of toast with jam on and a glass of orange juice"

"I witnessed it" Phil added.

The doctor nodded and wrote on his notepad.

"How did that make you feel Dan? Please be honest"

I looked to Phil for help and he just nodded to me to tell me to be honest.

"Horrible" I explained "It felt like every mouthful stuck to my throat refusing to be taken down. I feel disgusting for it. But I had no choice"

Phil squeezed my knee as the doctor wrote some more things down.

"Can I ask you to leave Phil? I would like to talk to Dan alone for a while"

"But..." I began but Phil stood up quickly. "It's alright sweetheart" he assured me "You talk to him alone and please feel comfortable with saying anything you want"

I looked down at my feet as he left me on my own with the doctor who was doing nothing but judge me.

The rest of the meeting proceeded with him asking me awkward questions I didn't particularly want to answer. He also checked my weight and I did anything I could to avoid the number on the scales.

"Next time I would also like to talk to Phil so I can help him learn more about eating disorders and how to help you" the doctor told me and I agreed. It seemed mean bringing Phil in to my mess but I know he would want to do anything to help me.

Phil was perfect like that.

As I was finally allowed to leave the room Phil was waiting for me on the other side. I don't know what came over me, but I suddenly burst in to floods of tears.

"Hey hey hey" Phil said, rushing over to take me in to his arms. I clung to him for all it was worth and refused to let go. He led me through the waiting room, out the ED Unit and to our car. I made sure my line of eye was directed at his shirt the entire time so I did not have to see people around us giving me weird looks.

Eventually I found myself sat in the passenger seat with Phil in the driver's seat.

"I don't think I can do this" I finally said. "I don't know how I can make myself want to eat again. I wish I was like you Phil"

He shook his head and stroked my hair. He twiddled a certain part of it between his fingers and I shuddered.

"On the contrary, I wish I was like you" he admitted. "You're such a strong, brave guy and that will always inspire me. You're everything I could have ever wanted in life and I couldn't ask for more"

We continued to sit, clinging on to each other almost if we would not see each other again, for what seemed like forever.

At the moment in time I suddenly did not care about anyone else anymore. I didn't care what people might think or even what my weight was.

All that mattered was our relationship. We had faced so many difficulties together it was like being stuck on a rollercoaster. Whether it was Phil trying to commit suicide, or me nearly starving myself to death. We were as one.

"I've come to a conclusion" Phil spoke to break the silence.

"And what's that?" I asked.

"There is nothing we cannot face as a team"

I smiled and kissed Phil on the cheek.

"Do you know what I think?" I continued.

"What?"

I looked Phil straight in the eyes, not breaking our eye contact at all.

"Love brings out the best and worst in people…But you will always bring out the best in me"

**THE END**

***AUTHOR'S NOTE* Oh my god! It's the end! I had tears in my eyes writing this final chapter. Some specific parts of this story meant a lot to me and I am so proud of it. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, followed, favourite and stuck by it throughout the whole thing.**

**I know it took me ages to finally make this chapter but I would love it so much if you reviewed to tell me what you thought of the whole story.**

**I am hoping to begin another Phan story soon! I will have to come up with a plot though first.**

**Again,**

**Thank You.**

**(twitter: BrionyBea, tumblr: sincerelybrionybea)**


	23. NEW PHAN FIC!

Hey guys! Just a quick message to let you all know I have just began a new story! It's called:

PHAN: You're Not Alone.

I have so far published a prologue and the first chapter will uploaded later on tonight. :-)

Please follow it so you know when each chapter is up and I would love it if you reviewed!

thanks guys, stay awesome


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